Star Wars the Clone Wars Spoof: Women's Self-Defence Class
by ValkyrieCain4Ever
Summary: So this is what happens when Ahsoka and Ventress are sent to a Woman's Self-Defence Class! I got this idea after watching an episode of King of the Hill! Also I'm new so please be nice! And please comment if you like!


"Do I have to go?" Ahsoka whined as she was pushed out of the speeder by Anakin.

"Yes you do, it is now a requirement for all female Jedi. Now run along." Anakin sped away.

Ahsoka sighed and walked into the large white rec building.

She got to the room and stopped.

Ventress was sitting a chair scowling.

"Ventress? What are you doing here?" She asked as she sat down next to her.

Ventress looked up. "Ahsoka? What are you doing here?"

"I just asked you the same thing."

"Oh. Well Dooku thinks that I should take this class to help defend myself if I am suddenly defenseless."

"Same here. It's now a requirement for all female Jedi."

They were quiet for few moments.

"I don't want to be here!" Ventress wailed.

"Me neither!" Ahsoka cried.

Suddenly a pretty blond woman came in and class started. "Hello class, I am Ms. Johnson. Now, for girls our self-defense is very simple."

A man walked over completely covered in bubble wrap and went over to Ms. Johnson and said; "give me your purse."

"That's my purse, I don't know you!" Ms. Johnson cried then kicked him in the crotch.

Immediately the man dropped to the ground and curled into a ball.

Ms. Johnson looked up and smiled. "Class is dismissed."

Ahsoka and Ventress walked out together. "Wow," Ahsoka said. "That honestly was probably the most fun class I have ever been too."

"Yeah," Ventress agreed. "It was only like three minutes long and someone got hurt and there was no math involved so yeah."

An Hour Later…

Ventress arrived at the Separatist Headquarters.

"Master!" She yelled slamming the door loudly. "I'm back!" She walked down the hall and saw Dooku coming out of another room.

"Hello Ventress, why did it take you so long to get here?" he asked.

"Oh, because Ahsoka was there and we went out and got ice cream afterwards cause we were bored."

"Ah, so how was it?"

"It was awesome! We got vanilla and each got a topping. Ahsoka got gummy worms and I got crushed oreos."

"I meant the class."

"Oh it was good. It was only like three minutes long and I got to see a grown man cry other than Grievous."

Dooku nodded than his face suddenly became weirded out when he realized what she had said.

"A grown man cry? What did they teach you?" He asked suddenly alarmed.

Before she could answer Grievous came around the corner and spooked Ventress.

"THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" She screamed then kicked him in the crotch.

Dooku yelped in shock and jumped back.

Grievous squealed and fell to the ground twitching and curled into a ball on the floor.

"Ventress! What did you do that for?!" Dooku cried.

"It's what I learned in self-defense class." She replied then walked off humming happily.

Ahsoka arrived home and yelled "MASTER I'M HOME!"

"You don't need to yell I'm in the living room."

"Oh."

Ahsoka poked her head in and saw Anakin sprawled out on the couch munching on junk food and jelly beans while watching his favorite show.

"You've got a jelly bean problem." Ahsoka said matter-of-factly as Anakin shoved a handful of jellybeans into his mouth.

"No I don't." He replied, his mouth full.

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Can we please not do this now? I'm in my happy place." Anakin whined.

"Right, sorry." Since there was no room on the couch Ahsoka sat down cross-legged on the floor.

"So what'd you learn today?" Anakin asked.

"You want to see?"

"Sure."

"Alright." Ahsoka stood up. "Try to mug me."

Anakin sighed and sat up, the junk food that had accumulated on his chest spilling out onto the floor. He stood up and walked over.

"Give me your money." He said boredly.

"THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Ahsoka screamed and kicked Anakin in the crotch.

Anakin squealed then curled into a shivering ball on the floor.

Ahsoka smiled and skipped off to her room to count her stuffed animal collection.

A Few Months Later…

Dooku and Anakin were fighting when both Ahsoka and Ventress ran in.

'Good reinforcements,' Anakin thought as Ahsoka ran over.

Ventress right behind her.

But instead of taking out their lightsabers like normal they went to the enemy(Ahsoka: Dooku Ventress: Anakin) and yelled. "LET GO OF MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" And kicked them in the crotch.

Both men fell to the ground and curled into tight balls.

Ahsoka and Ventress high-fived then walked off together.

"Woman's self-defense?" Dooku asked.

"Yep."


End file.
